Book One: Princess Boo Wakes Up on the Wrong Side of the Bed
I. Princess Boo Wakes Up to a Cold Breakfast
On this particular day,
Princess Boo was cross because she was hungry and waiting for breakfast.
Princess Boo didn’t like to wait. “I want my breakfast, Now” she roared
to the cook, who could hear her all the way from the dining room to the
kitchen.
And in a princess’s house,
that is a long way. A very long way indeed.
When Princess Boo was cross,
everyone was unhappy. And Princess Boo liked it that way. The butler was
walking around trembling, so that the silver serving tray he was carrying in
one hand rattled loudly. Her lady-in-waiting did not want to wait on Princess
Boo anymore. And the cook, the cook was the unhappiest. As a matter of fact,
she was the most unhappiest. That’s right, the cook was not the most unhappy,
or the unhappiest, she was the most unhappiest cook that had cooked for
Princess Boo that month alone.
When the Princess’s
breakfast was prepared, the cook called the butler and the butler came running.
“Quick,” the cook said, “Bring this to the princess, post haste. You know how
she hates her breakfast when it gets cold.” So the butler rushed out of the
kitchen, post haste, down the hallway, past the pantry, through the long dining
room that Princess Boo never used for breakfast because she liked breakfast in
bed, up a long winding staircase whose eighth step always creaked when
someone stepped on it going up but only squeaked when somebody stepped
on it going down, turned right at the landing and then did an about face back
to the left (he forgot the Princess was sleeping in the West Wing this week,
the sun was too bright in the morning during summer) and post haste rushed to
the Princess’s door, last one at the end, the other rooms on his left were her
dressing room, which was connected to her jumbo closets, one on each side of
the dressing room, past her bathroom on the right, and past her lounge
somewhere in the middle. (He forgot.)
“O-M-lower-case-g!”
exclaimed the butler. “I hope the Princess’s breakfast isn’t cold.” But how
could it not be? It had to be delivered from one end of the palace to the next.
Did I mention? The butler also had to run outside, past the stables and the
stable boys who rooted him on, past the fields of corn, wheat and rice, past
the cherry blossom trees (which never grew any cherries), and the apple trees,
back into another castle, and then up the stairs!
Why? Because Princess Boo
wanted her own private castle. She had no privacy in her father’s castle. He
was always getting in the way. If Princess Boo wanted to read in the library,
her father would come right in and give her a big hug and ask how his little
pumpkin was doing that fine day.
Fine day! Princess Boo often
retorted. My breakfast was cold and there was a icy draft under her bathroom
sink. “My toes are blue,” KF (Princess Boo called her father KF), they are blue
like my Coco blue nail polish! And everyone knows that you don’t match your
nail polish to your skintone!”
Thus it was that the butler
ran up the grand staircase of the second castle to the left past a gallery of
portraits of Princess Boo, all during various stages of her life, such as when
she was cross, not so cross, mildly vexed, exceedingly irritated, and downright
vexed. Not one portrait had her smiling, because we all know it takes days and
weeks to pose for a portrait and everyone knew that Princess Boo could not be
pleasant for that long, emphasis added.
The butler scree-eeched to a
halt at Princess Boo’s bedroom door, and gave a resoundingly succinct rap, like
a woodpecker on downers, rat. a. tat. tat. “Who is it?” came back the sharp
voice of Princess Boo. “Your breakfast, your highness,” the butler called back,
trying hard to hide the quake in his voice and failing terribly. “You-ur, your
breakfast, you-ur hi-highness!”
“I’m sleeping. You took so
long I fell asleep again. How dare you wake me?” Princess Boo yelled. The
butler quaked and gently peeped open the door.
“I’m so sorry, your
highness, I rushed here as soon as the cook prepared your breakfast, only the
dash through two castles…”
“If I want to hear excuses,
I’ll visit the executioner’s jail! There’s plenty of slipshod servants like you
who always had an excuse for why breakfast was cold! Don’t just cower there all
day, bring me my breakfast!” Hollered the princess.
The butler hurried in and
quickly laid out Princess’s breakfast. Blueberry waffles with extra whipped
cream and two cherries, maple and glazed doughnuts, two of the former, one of
the latter, double-chocolate loaf with extra chocolate chips, and a banana
(“I’ve decided to eat healthy from now on,” pronounced the Princess last week).
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A Friend told me to change Princess Boo's name because it was so close to Honey Boo Boo, and she dos act like a princess but I think Princess Boo can stand on her own, don't you?
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