THE SECTARIAN: The story of a lovable, religious bigot Chapters One - Something

 

THE SECTARIAN:

The story of a lovable, religious bigot

by 

Ssal Nogard

FADE IN

ABORTION PROTEST

EXT. ABORTION CLINIC   DAY

An abortion protest is being held outside an abortion clinic.  There is so much commotion it is difficult to read the signs that the protesters are waving.  Police are pulling some protesters away and arresting them, because they are getting too close to clients and employees of the clinic.  An ASIAN FEMALE is being escorted further away from the safety zone afforded its employees and clients entering and leaving the clinic.  She retreats as ordered but yelling at the same time.  In her fervor, she advances too close to the clinic and the police begin to arrest her.

NARRATOR (V.O.)

Does this look like a face of a person who should be arrested?  What is she doing?

Two cops are carrying the Asian female away from an abortion protest.  The scene freezes as the narrator interrupts the action.

NARRATOR (V.O.)

(continuing)

Stop right there.

The action stops.

NARRATOR (V.O.)

(continuing)

No, back a little.

The scene rewinds a little.

NARRATOR (V.O.)

(continuing)

There.

The scene stops again.

NARRATOR (V.O.)

(continuing)

Now.  Take a close look at that face.

(pause) 

Can you tell from the face what she's doing there?  Well, from the signs and the yelling and the literal dragging away of bodies, you can tell she's a protester.  But what is she, and all the others, screaming and kicking and protesting?   

The action begins again and our Asian female continues screaming.

ASIAN FEMALE

Get your sinful hands off of me, you-- 

NARRATOR (V.O.)

Maybe you can tell by her face.  If she were black, for instance, one might assume that this was a civil rights protest.  Let's try, for a moment, to just figure what she is protesting by the kind of face she has.  What kind of a face does that look like to you?

The Asian female's face is contorted into a very unattractive expression of hollering and screaming.  But nothing can be heard but the Narrator's voice.

NARRATOR (V.O.)

(continuing)

Okay, let's just say it is a very determined face.  Anything else?

The Asian female clutches her floppy Sunday hat to keep it  from falling off during all the tussling. 

NARRATOR (V.O.)

(continuing)

She's wearing an Easter hat.  And gloves.  In the summer.

The Asian female is yelling vigorously and with conviction, waving her gloved hands and holding on to her wide-brimmed hat. 

NARRATOR (V.O.)

(continuing)

She seems to really believe in what she's protesting. 

The Asian female grabs at a fallen sign on the sidewalk.  It reads "Protect the Unborn."

NARRATOR (V.O.)

(continuing)

Ah, she must be protesting at an abortion clinic, or outside a courthouse where another abortion case is about to be decided.  But it doesn't look like a courthouse.

The Asian female waves the sign furiously as the cops try to handcuff her.

NARRATOR (V.O.)

(continuing)

But which side is she protesting?  The right to life or the right to choice?  Is she against choice or against life?  By the looks of her, I mean, being Asian and all, and this being California...oops, but there I go, stereotyping, assuming that because she's a California Asian, she must be a liberal progressive.  Hmm, I suppose that's why I warned you to look closely. 

Our Asian female is yelling, being dragged away.  She has dropped the sign she was waving.  A policeman holds her by each of her arms.

NARRATOR (V.O.)

(continuing)

That wouldn't be--

The Asian female is screaming in a Southern Accent. 

ASIAN FEMALE

Let go of me, you purveyors of evil.  Protect the unborn!  You big bully!  You wouldn't touch me if you didn't have  that badge on!  Well, I got news for you, buddy!  The good Lord is the only true authority and the likes of you will tremble before him when you stand judgment for wielding your unscrupulous power to perpetuate the slaughter of the unbo-orn! 

While the Asian female is ranting, she drops to her knees, becoming a deadweight, making it difficult for the policemen to drag her away.

ASIAN FEMALE

(continuing)

That's it!  Go ahead and drag a defender of the Lord Almighty away.  We shall overcome!  We shall

overco-ome! 

She continues alternating between struggling and going limp in the policemens' grasp. 

NARRATOR (V.O.)

--that wouldn't be a terrible Southern accent, would it?  As it so happens, it would. 

(resigned)

Be a terrible Southern accent.

But what would an Asian female in Southern California be doing with a mangled southern accent?  Is she pretending?  A poser, perhaps.  No, dear friends, the accent is real.  Or as her friends used to say, terrifically real.  Most everything about this girl was real.  Maybe not real real, but let's step back a little to explain what we mean. 

FLASHBACK: AUNT TATEM IS SICK.

INT. KITCHEN   DAY

NARRATOR (V.O.)

My parents were flower children.  It didn't matter if they were at Woodstock or not, or if they were even alive at the time, they wouldn't have cared.  As is always the case with real flower children, they were flower children no matter what, even when they were living in Mississippi.

A man and a woman are in the kitchen.  They are preparing dinner. 

NARRATOR (V.O.)

(continuing)

How they came to live with Aunt Tatem was unintended, and its effect on the likes of my parents were as well.

The woman is searching for something in the cupboards while the man is chopping vegetables. 

MOTHER

That was Aunt T.

FATHER

What did she want?

MOTHER

(sighing) 

Well, you know she hasn't been doing well. 

Mother goes to the stove and stirs a pot that is simmering.

FATHER

She's going on seventy, isn't she?  Even she didn't expect to last this long.

MOTHER

Well, it's something else.  Throat Cancer. 

FATHER

(quietly)

Whistles, so the tobacco finally worked its poison, huh. 

MOTHER

Yes. 

(pause) 

And...

FATHER

And?

MOTHER

(keeping her eyes on the pot)

And she wants us to come live with her.

FATHER

(surprised)

What?  I thought she never wanted to see you again.  Unless you repented your ways. 

(cannot help chuckling)

MOTHER

Well, she's dying, Brent, what is she going to do?

(pause) 

What are we going to do...

FATHER

Oh, no.  I love her as much as, well, as I can, but I'm not going to run down to some god-forsaken town.

MOTHER

The people go to church every Sunday.  And some more.

FATHER

Okay, a god-choked town where all they do is stuff god down your throat, tout family values, and have more divorces and out of wedlock children than anywhere else in the country. 

MOTHER

She's all alone. 

FATHER

(sighs, puts the knife down)

Well, I guess I always wanted to have god around all the time. 

(smiles, kisses, and embraces Mother reassuringly)

MOVING TO AUNT TATEM'S IN MISSISSIPPI

EXT. CAR   DAY

NARRATOR (V.O.)

My parents were fond believers that people were fundamentally good at heart and could be changed.  So were the people they lived among.  My parents thought this would give them an unasked for chance to spread the nirvana.  So did the people they moved in upon.  They called it salvation.  Was there a difference?  To my parents, no.  To the people of that small town?  Yes.  Most definitely, yes.  The difference, to them, meant the difference between salvation and a fiery afterlife.

EXT. SMALL HOUSE   DAY

Mother and Father have arrived at Aunt Tatem's house.  They start unpacking the car and go into the house.

INT. AUNT TATEM'S HOUSE   DAY

Aunt Tatem lies on a bed as Mother comes in with an armful of books and kisses her.  Mother puts the books on a table in front of Aunt Tatem.

MOTHER

Aunt Tatem.  You're looking gorgeous. 

AUNT TATEM

Where's that hunk of a husband of yours? 

MOTHER

He's unpacking the truck. 

AUNT

Well, why do you think I invited you?  Get him in here, Brenda.

Aunt Tatem looks dubiously at the books on Buddhist meditation and clears her cancer-ridden throat. 

AUNT TATEM

You know, you should be careful about reading this stuff.  And mind you don't practice it alone. 

VIOLET

Why, Aunt T.?

AUNT TATEM

Because when you "clear your mind of all earthly worries", you let the devil slip in.

VIOLET

I'll be careful to ask who's at the door first. 

AUNT TATEM

Those who laugh are always the first to be taken in by Mestopheles.

VIOLET

Don't you think he'd be too busy to bother?

AUNT TATEM

The devil is interested in everybody.

VIOLET

So he's like god, then.

AUNT TATEM

What in the devil's name are you talking about?

VIOLET

In the good lord's name, Auntie.  A good shepherd never leaves even one of his flock behind, either, right?

AUNT TATEM

Don't blaspheme, Violet. 

VIOLET

I’m just noting the differences, Aunt T. 

AUNT TATEM

Notice that I’m out of tea.  Remember I like it strong, honey, not sugar.

VIOLET

Yes, dear. 

AUNT TATEM

Dying woman can't get a decent cup of tea around her own home. 

Mother kisses her on the head and takes the teacup to the kitchen to steep some more tea.

AUNT TATEM

I talked to Dan.  He's drawing up the papers so's you and Brent can stay here after I’m gone. 

VIOLET

I don't think we'll be staying, dearest. 

AUNT TATEM

It'll do you good.  Get all that nonsense you get from living by too much surf.  Sun's gone to your head.  You should wear a hat you know.  Get brain fever, mark my words. 

TIME TO GO TO CHURCH

EXT.  AUNT TATEM'S HOUSE   DAY

NARRATOR (V.O)

Things didn't work out exactly the way anyone expected.  My Aunt went into remission several times, which is to say, she never really got better.

Aunt Tatem, dressed for church in hat and gloves, knocks on Brent and Brenda's bedroom door.  No answer.  She opens the door and walks in.  Brent and Brenda are sleeping.  The room is dark.

NARRATOR (V.O)

(continuing)

Even though, needless to say, my parents were always the center of attention, as they liked to put it, or as their neighbors put it, a thorn in the side of their peaceful, loving town, You would think my Aunt would not tolerate them.  However, she had a thing for trying to convert infidels. 

Aunt Tatem walks to the window.

AUNT TATEM

Violet, it's time for church.

VIOLET

(muffled voice)

Not going, Aunt. 

Aunt Tatem opens the shades.

BRENT

(wakes up)

What the--?

AUNT TATEM

It's Sunday, time to worship and give thanks to the Lord for everything he's given and done for us during the past week. 

VIOLET

(rolling over onto her husband)

We did that at the beginning of the week, Auntie, we do it everyday. 

AUNT TATEM

But you must do it in the house of the Lord.  How else will he hear you?

VIOLET

Auntie, close the shades.  God hears us wherever we are, at least that's what our neighbors were always complaining about

(giggling)

and if place mattered, I think open air thanks reaches him better.  That's how we do it.  Or at least we used to, until we got caught. 

Now good night.

AUNT TATEM

(sighs)

I'll pray an extra Hail Mary for you both.

BRENT

Amen. 

Aunt Tatem leaves the bedroom.

NARRATOR (V.O.)

My parents literally wore flowers in their hair for many years, my dad, too.

Brent is reading on the porch.  A basket of freshly cut flowers is at Violet's feet.  She finishes making a wreath of flowers and places it on Brent's head. 

NARRATOR (V.O.)

(continuing)

This bothered many of the town folk, but none of them said anything, as my Dad was six-foot-four and two hundred twenty pounds.  It didn't bother my parents; they seemed to get their equilibrium from other people's disequilibria, particularly when they were the source of that discomfort. 

INT. ROOM IN AUNT TATEM'S HOUSE   DAY

Violet and Brent are building a room into a nursery. 

NARRATOR (V.O.)

(continuing)

How did I know all this since I wasn't even born yet?  The same way that I knew that my sister wasn't exactly the type of child my parents wanted.  Or so I had thought at the time.  My older sister was unexpected.  No, my parents wanted children.  Only they had wanted another one.  You see, the doctor had told my mother that she could not have children, and so my parents decided to adopt.  They had lined up an orphan from Nigeria. 

In short, things get around.  In a small town, each member feels that it is his individual duty to update a person on all the facts that, if known to the person, would make him uncomfortable. 

ADOPT AN AFRICAN?

INT.  AUNT TATEM'S HOUSE   DAY

A NEIGHBOR has come to visit.  She has brought a blueberry pie, which she places on the dining room table.  Mother walks to the room where she had been making up the nursery and motions the Neighbor to follow.  The nursery is unfinished.

MOTHER

I'm making up the nursery.  What do you think of the mobile?  The mobile is made of people from different parts of the world in ethnic dress.

The Neighbor frowns at it. 

MOTHER

We're going to teach him languages early; the mobile hums out different words in French, Spanish, and Latin. 

The Neighbor does not comment but instead blurts out:

NEIGHBOR

(worried)

Are you sure it won't bring yellow fever to the town?

Violet holds up the wallpaper.  

VIOLET

How do you like the color?  It's a neutral beige pink. 

NEIGHBOR

Are you getting a girl?

VIOLET

He (emphasis) won't.  He'll be vaccinated and checked for everything before the immigration officials will allow him in.

NEIGHBOR

How do you know what kind of family he comes from?

VIOLET

We don't.  But it's pretty safe to say that his parents were killed in the recent uprising.  Very probably they were poor and loved their son very much. 

Violet leaves the wallpaper and beings fussing with the drapes. 

NEIGHBOR

What's wrong with adopting an American child?  We've plenty of orphans here who need parents.

VIOLET

We thought about that.  Reaching out halfway across the world, there's just something so connecting, uniting in it.  As if we're all part of the same world, we're all god's children.

I can't get them to drape right.  See?

Violet holds the curtain fabric up for the Neighbor to inspect.

NEIGHBOR

Should put some starch in them.  Indeed we are, but there's no harm in helping our closer brothers and sisters.

Violet inspects the curtain fabric.

VIOLET

I'm not interested in adopting a white child.  There's a snag running through this.  Didn't see it before. 

NEIGHBOR

I can see that.  What's wrong with adopting a white child?  Aren't they as good as black children?

VIOLET

Of course they are. 

NEIGHBOR

Even better for white parents. 

VIOLET

If that's your defining quality for humans. 

NEIGHBOR

It's natural.  It comes first because that's what people see. 

VIOLET

I know.  I wish people could walk inside out, with their intestines and liver and kidneys hanging out.  That way you could see what your really getting.  An alcoholic, a smoker.  Defining children this way.

NEIGHBOR

(stiffly)

You know, we're not all bigots in the South.

VIOLET

We're not all heathens that are going to hell in California.

NEIGHBOR

That's what you think.  That's where you liberals go wrong.  God struck down Gomorrah once.  He'll do it again.

VIOLET

I'm glad it's not a symmetrical idea.

NEIGHBOR

What isn't?

VIOLET

I'm glad I can't say the same for you.  That some of your ideas are wrong. 

NEIGHBOR

(huffy)

Of course not. 

The neighbor picks up a blanket.

NEIGHBOR

You know, my mother used mohair blankets.  It's soft and light enough for the summer. 

VIOLET

Doesn't the hair cause allergies? 

NEIGHBOR

Not if you get a good weave.  I'll see if I can dig up my baby blanket.  I put it away after Samuel went to college.

VIOLET

I'd appreciate it, Mrs. Weaver.

ADOPTING AN ASIAN, MY LITTLE BANANA

INT. ROOM   DAY

NARRATOR (V.O.)

When my sister came, the townsfolk felt that god had made them a compromise, and were eager, at the start, to accept my sister.  The black son that my parents wanted fell through.  My dad, especially, had wanted to train a little football hero, never having been really talented himself, even at touch football.  My mother, not wanting a boy, really was glad to have a girl first. 

Father and Mother take turns holding their little Asian girl.

VIOLET

Do we really want to change her name? 

BRENT

She's going to stick out bad enough as it is.

VIOLET

But, can't we name her something more normal?

BRENT

Luzy-Ann is normal, here at least.

VIOLET

I'll call her "Luz".

BAPTISM

INT. CHURCH   MORNING  

It is LUZY-ANN's baptism.  The priest gently wets her head with holy water.  After the priest blesses the baby, sings the cross, Aunt Tatem holds her. 

PRIEST

In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost.

AUNT TATEM

(whispers)

You will have a great cross to bear.  But I will share your burden. 

A choir is singing a hymn.

CHOIR

(singing)

"And let all who have suffered, let them come to the Lord, without sorrow, without strife..."

NARRATOR (V.O.)

But it was my aunt who seemed to know what it really meant for a child such as my sister to be raised in a place such as our small town.  It was because she was to be part of the cause and the problem, that she knew so well. 

FIGHTS AT SCHOOL

EXT.  PLAYGROUND AT GRAMMAR SCHOOL   MORNING

Luzy-Ann is walking through the school playground to get to class.  Two boys walk up to her.  They are the class bullies.

NARRATOR (V.O.)

My sister was the only Asian in town, or as her cruel classmates called her: a "yellow-belly".  This particularly grieved my sister, but not my parents.  They were sorry that my sister was tormented at school, but since they knew my sister was no such thing, they told her wisely to ignore the schoolchildren's taunts.  Of course, if my sister had been wise, she wouldn't have been a seven-year-old in grammar school.  All this of course, my sister could not articulate. 

Each boy is on either side of Luzy-Ann.  They alternate pushing her, trying to make her drop her schoolbooks.

BOBBY LEE

We don't let yellow monkeys go to school with our kind.

(pushes Luzy-Ann again)

NARRATOR (V.O.)

The teachers didn't help either.  Maybe because they believed that's what my sister was, or because they knew it was useless to try to stop the kids.  Every year, there was a class bully.  And every year, there was a poor child who was the bully's target.  My sister's second- grade year was her year to be picked on.

NARRATOR (V.O.)

One day, however, feeling that the world had abandoned her, my sister resorted to self help.  She was sandwiched between two bullies, Bobby-Lee, who was in the fourth grade.  His father made a living killing deer.  And Billy-Joe, whose mother named him so because she often could not remember his name, and two names to guess at made it easier than one.  They were taking turns pushing my sister between them, when--

LUZY-ANN

Stop it, Bobby-Lee, I'm going to tell on you.

BOBBY-LEE

So what?  Nothing's gonna' happen to me, you yellow-belly.  You shouldn't even be here.

Bobby-Lee pushes Luzy-Ann some more.  She stumbles

BILLY-JOE

Yeah, you should be grateful for the food that we give you.  You'd be starving in China if it weren't for us, you dumb Chino girl. 

Bobby-Lee pushes Luzy-Ann and she drops some of her books.

BOBBY-LEE

Why don't you go back home?  My Dad says all Hasians are scared, that's why they always scamper around and bow and say "yes, sir"  Here, pick that up, yellow belly!

Bobby-Lee throws S's books on the ground.

NARRATOR (V.O.)

At the moment that my sister bent to pick up her books,--

Bobby-Lee kicks Luzy-Ann on the rump. 

NARRATOR (V.O.)

(continuing)

Something snapped in her savage little Asian heart. 

Luzy-Ann slams the books in the Bobby-Lee face, kicks both of them, and butts her head in Billy-Joe's abdomen.  They run crying to their teacher.

BOOBY LEE

Teacher, look what she did to us! 

SPIKE

She hit us!

NARRATOR (V.O.)

It was also at that moment that my sister realized that injustice in the world runs down to even the humblest of God's creatures. 

They run into the school building.  A TEACHER, sitting at her desk, gets up when she sees the two boys crying.  She calms the boys down and walks outside to Luzy-Ann.

TEACHER

(sternly, sharp, nasal-voice)

Luzy-Ann, you come here. 

Luzy-Ann looks at the Teacher defiantly.

INT.  PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE  AFTERNOON

Violet and Brent, the principal of Luzy-Ann's school, and the teacher who "caught" Luzy-Ann attacking Bobby-Lee and Billy-Joe are seated.

NARRATOR (V.O.)

She was given detention for a week.  My parents were called to the principal's office.

TEACHER

That's what comes of adopting a foreigner. 

(sniffing)

Who knows where she came from? 

VIOLET

She came from Malaysia. 

TEACHER

(smugly)

That's what they wanted you to think. 

VIOLET

So what if she didn't come from Malaysia, what if she came from China? 

TEACHER

It's important to know where our children come from.  Because if you don't, who knows what they might do?

VIOLET

How can you tell what they might do based on where they come from?

TEACHER

Well, such as Nigeria.

(almost in a whisper)

I heard that they sacrifice animals. 

BRENT

She's Asian.  I guess that rules out animal sacrifice.  Besides, we're raising her vegetarian. 

EXT.  HALLWAY

Luzy-Ann is outside the principal's office listening in.  She is sad. 

LAKE IS BORN

INT.  NURSERY  DAY

Violet is holding her newborn.  Luzy-Ann is eagerly trying to get close to the baby.

NARRATOR (V.O.)

It was about this time that I was born.  Yes, the doctors were wrong, my mother could have children after all.  When my Mom did get pregnant, my Mad always said that if we paid physicians like mechanics, they'd get it right more of the time. 

My sister said that she wanted a brother.  I think this was because she could have someone to pick on, to relive the days when she was bullied and she triumphed. 

LUZY-ANN

She's white. 

VIOLET

(kissing baby)

What, honey?

LUZY-ANN

She doesn't look like me.

VIOLET

Well, honey, she's just the same as you.

LUZY-ANN

I thought she would be yellow like me.  Why am I yellow?

VIOLET

You're not honey, you're tan.

LUZY-ANN

That's because I play outside.  Why isn't anyone else yellow?

VIOLET

They are honey. 

LUZY-ANN

I don't see any.

VIOLET

When you grow up and travel a bit, you'll see a lot of yellow, red, brown, even green people.

Violet kisses Luzy-Ann and kisses the baby again.

NARRATOR (V.O.)

At that moment, which shouldn't happen to anyone so young, my sister felt utterly and completely alone in the world.  It isn't that my parents favored me.  I never even noticed the difference until I was close to my pre-teen years.  And the differences I noticed had nothing to do with skin color.  As a matter of fact, my parents were adamant that my older sister take care of me.  Which meant of course, that I had to listen to her and do as she said when my parents weren't around.  This, my sister liked, and it made her feel not so alone. 

INT.  AUNT TATEM'S HOUSE   DAY

Violet is rushing around the house, getting ready for a dinner date. 

LAKE (V.O.)

My sis was made for kids.  She simply longed for them.  Here, was, another human being, totally helpless and utterly dependant upon the good graces of my sister who must not only obey and listen to her but listen to the reasons why obedience was the only choice given.  Child slavery was more rampant that most people think. 

VIOLET

Now, Lake, listen to your sister.  Don't get into any trouble and don't eat all the pie I put in the refrigerator.  That's for tomorrow when the guests come.  Do you understand? 

LAKE

But she never lets me do anything.  She makes me ask for everything.

VIOLET

Luzy-Ann, don't take advantage of your position.  You're here to take care of your little sister, not beleaguer her with orders.

LUZY-ANN

She never listens to me.

LAKE

You're always wrong.

VIOLET

(excited)

Girls, I have to meet your father.  He's interviewing for a position.  It's a chance to move out of here.

LAKE

Are we going away?  Hooray!

Luzy-Ann looks perturbed.  Violet preens herself in the hallway mirror. 

VIOLET

How do I look?

LAKE

Beautiful, mom. 

Violet leans over and gives both girls a hug and kiss.

VIOLET

You girls be good while I'm gone now. 

She leaves.  Luzy-Ann has a newfound gleam in her eye.

LUZY-ANN

It's time for lessons.

LAKE

Lessons!  It's Saturday.

LUZY-ANN

Exactly.  Aunt Tatem told me to make sure you learn your catechism. 

LAKE

(wearily)

I hope Dad gets that job. 

FITTING IN: A BORN AGAIN CHRISTIAN

INT. CHURCH   MORNING

Sunday mass is being celebrated.  Luzy-Ann is in church, looking bright and devout, and singing loudly.

LAKE (V.O.)

Because my sister was made to feel yellow, so to speak, she began to try to fit in...and become white, so to speak.  She attended church regularly.  Wore the same checked muslin dresses, broad rimmed sun hats, and even outdid the churchgoers of our town.  Only the older ladies dressed so, we figured it was these fearsome matrons Luzy-Ann was trying to placate.

EXT. CHURCH  MORNING

The congregation is milling around outside church after mass.  The young people are dressed in modern dresses, pants and shirts.  The older women are dressed in old-fashioned dresses, as is Luzy-Ann.

LAKE (V.O.)

(continuing)

She was wont to be seen in gloves.  This kept the sun off her hands, and made her "less tan", she explained.  When pressed, she would say the sun was bad for her skin and she wanted to keep as young looking as possible,

A WOMAN is remarking on Luzy-Ann's cover from the sun.

WOMAN

But you look sixteen, how young do you want to be?

LAKE (V.O.)

My sister could have learned any one of several lessons from that experience.  She could have washed her hands of a town that did not accept her.  But that was not my sister's way.  My sister felt that there was always a workable solution.  And her solution in this case was to make them accept her.  This distressed my parents somewhat, but at the same time, how could they keep her from being what she wanted? 

INT.  BATHROOM  EVENING

Luzy-Ann is putting the finishing touches on her makeup.  She is sticking on her false eyelashes.  Because she thinks they make her Asian eyes look bigger, more "Caucasian", she doesn't go anywhere without them.  Well satisfied, she smiles to herself in the mirror.

Luzy-Ann leaves the house, dressed so old-fashioned, Violet and Brent look distressed over their daughter's dress.

LAKE (V.O.)

But what was most unfathomable about my sister, was her great big, horrible accent.  It didn't even sound real, yet it was.  As real as all her other peccadilloes that made you want to look at her twice, like a train wreck that has too many dead bodies to look away. 

EXT. RESTAURANT   DAY

Luzy-Ann is sitting with her friend, MARY-ANN, at a small restaurant. 

LAKE (V.O.)

(continuing)

Here she was, an Asian where few were to be seen.  That in itself caused people to stare.  But as soon as she opened her mouth, out came that twang that sounded like a recent immigrant, who was faking it as a California Valley Girl, and trying to pass off as a Southern Belle.  It was too much.

They order lunch.

MARY-ANN

I'll have the sub sandwich, hold the mustard. 

WAITRESS

And you?

LUZY-ANN

I'd like a bacon, lettuce, and tomato sandwich, hold the mayo, extra tomatoes, pickles and onions.  And, may I have baby spinach instead of lettuce?  And the bacon extra crispy.  Oh, and instead of sandwich bread, I'd like it on a croissant.

Luzy-Ann's mangles the pronunciation of "croissant".

WAITRESS

A what?

LUZY-ANN

A croissant.

WAITRESS

We don't got none of those here.

LUZY-ANN

Of course you do.  I had one just last week.  You know, their moon-shaped.  And they're soft, but kind of crispy.

WAITRESS

You mean a crescent?

LUZY-ANN

Yes, a croissant.

The waitress looks at Luzy-Ann oddly.  Mary-Ann smiles sheepishly.

BUYING SKIN WHITENER

INT. DRUGSTORE   DAY

LAKE (V.O.)

But it wasn't only her dress and speech that Luzy-Ann strived to conform to local standards, it was her look as well.

Luzy-Ann is browsing around a drugstore.  She picks up a bottle of lotion labeled, "Skin Brightener: Works on all skin types."

CLERK

May I help you? 

LUZY-ANN

Uh, yes. 

I see you've found our new skin-enhancing product.

LUZY-ANN

Yes, I have.  I'm--intrigued.  How does it work?

CLERK

(secretively)

It has black licorice in it.

LUZY-ANN

(grateful for the insight)

Oh--black licorice!  Really!

CLERK

(rubs some on her hand)

See how nice it rubs on.  You only have to use it every time you go out.

LUZY-ANN

Kind of like SPF.

CLERK

Well, yes, as a matter of fact, it has that too.  Lots of it.  Let's see, it says here on the bottle: SPF 25.  That should be enough for you--Oh!

LUZY-ANN

That's all right, I understand.

The Clerk hands the bottle to Luzy-Ann to help another customer.  Luzy-Ann continues reading the bottle.  She decides to purchase it and takes it to the checkout counter.  

CLERK

I'm sure you'll love it.  We've had some colored folks come in and buy it.  Since you're lighter (magnanimously), well of course, it should work even better on you.

LUZY-ANN

One can only hope.

The Clerk smiles and places the whitening lotion in a bag. 

CLERK

Thank you Luzy-Ann and come again now.  Let me know how it works.  I bet I won't even be able to recognize you when you come back.  You know what I mean.

They both laugh.

LAKE (V.O.)

My sister understood so well, that she not only did she take great pains to "whiten" her skin, change her dress and speech, but alter the workings of her natural mind as well.

INT. BEDROOM   DAY

Luzy-Ann dons gloves and hat and preens herself in the mirror.

LAKE (V.O.)

It all coincided so well with her efforts to appear a lady.

SUNDAY SCHOOL

INT.  CLASSROOM   MORNING

LAKE (V.O.)

Therefore, my sister excelled in Sunday school, which I did not.  Subjects about sex were particularly disturbing to my sister.  We were talking about the roles that chastity played in so much of the Catholic dogma one day. 

NUN MARGARITA is standing in front of the class.  She is teaching Sunday school where Luzy-Ann and Lake go. 

A boy named GERALD raises his hand to ask a question. 

GERALD

Why is contraception not allowed?  It's not like it's abortion or anything.  You're not killing anything because there's no conception.

NUN MARGARITA

Because the union between a man and a woman is holy and it is sinful to interfere with God's will.

GERALD

But what if you weren't going to get pregnant anyway?  Where's the interference?

NUN MARGARITA

Since we don't know that ahead of time, it is against the natural will of holy matrimony.

GERALD

I don't buy it.

NUN MARGARITA

Well, it is taught by the Church and the Pope himself. 

GERALD

The Pope!  But if you no play the game, you no make the rules. 

Nun Margarita blushes.  Lake laughs and raises her hand.

NUN MARGARITA

(grateful for the diversion)

Yes, Lake?

LAKE

Why can't girls be priests?

NUN MARGARITA

Well, because the church doesn't allow it. 

LAKE

Why don’t they allow it?

NUN MARGARITA

Because that was the way Saint Peter set up the church. 

LAKE

You mean he wanted only men leading the church?  Why, because they're better?

NUN MARGARITA

One should not assume to be able to divine the purpose of God.

LAKE

Saint Peter did.  Doesn't it strike you as fishy that a man set up a church ruled by men?  If women can vote now, why can't they be priests?  Black men can become priests, can't they?

Nun Margarita looks visibly uncomfortable.

LUZY-ANN

(hisses)

Lake!  Quit it!

LAKE

(not deterred)

Why do some who touch a holy person or saint get well, but some don't?  Why don't they all get well if the person's really holy? 

NUN MARGARITA

Miracles cannot be explained.  We should just be happy that some happen. 

LAKE

But they all believed because they came to be healed.  Don't people who don't come get healed anyway?  So you can not (emphasis) believe and still get healed? 

Gerald laughs audibly as do some other students.

LAKE

(continuing)

Has anyone done a study on whether the believers who touched a holy person got cured a higher percentage than the believers who were lazy and stayed at home?  and did both of those categories of believers heal miraculously at a rate higher than nonbelievers in general?

The class laughs.  LUZY-ANN glares at Lake.  Lake whispers to Gerald.  He raises his hand. 

GERALD

When two countries are going to war, and they both pray against each other, who wins?  The better side or does it depend on god's mysterious ways again?  If that's so, why pray at all? 

INT.  PRESBYTARIAN/EPISCOPALIAN?? CHURCH   DAY

LAKE (V.O.)

Despite Luzy-Ann's obedience, secretly, my sister was yearning to exercise her oldest sibling syndrome.

Luzy-Ann is sitting in a pew, arms on the back of a pew, her chin on her hands.  She watches longingly, a female deacon preaching in the pulpit.

LAKE (V.O.)

But my sister found that this forbidden fruit was just another way to practice her humility.

Luzy-Ann sighs.

WATCHING THE PRIESTS

INT. CHURCH   DAY

LAKE (V.O.)

Not being able to be a priest was not the only forbidden fruit that my sister enjoyed being denied.

While she is walking down a staircase, Luzy-Ann is watching two priests talking together; she has the hots for priests. 

Not paying attention to where she is going, she trips down the stairs.

LUZY-ANN

Whoah!

NO DATES FOR LUZY-ANN, NO DATES FOR ANYONE

EXT. OUTDOOR EATERY   DAY

Luzy-Ann is in the center of a group.  She and some friends are having a snack outside.  They are seated at a table.

LAKE (V.O.)

My sister studied the way the townsfolk talked and wagged their tongues.  Soon, there was no one better than my sister for spreading the news.  She learned well that offense was the only defense. 

GOSSIPER

I heard that she not only snuck out at eleven, but that she didn't come back until four in the morning. 

LUZY-ANN

Four!  Did her parents find out?

GOSSIPER

Not yet, though I don't know how they couldn't.  Everybody knows about it and frankly, I feel sorry for the poor dears.  I mean, if my daughter stayed out all night and got drunk and nobody knows what she did all night except--

(whispers to the girls)

Mary-Ann and Luzy-Ann laugh. 

LAKE (V.O.)

My sister had the loud tittering laugh of so many females who were socially behind, that is to say, unmarried and so did not understand the nature of many jokes that one knows about from being in the know, knowing someone, that is. 

Bobby-Lee and his friend walk by the group of girls.

BOBBY-LEE

Hey, LUZY-ANN, looking good.

Luzy-Ann ignores Bobby-Lee.

BOBBY-LEE

Hey, you still sore about the second grade?  Didn't you know, I picked on you because I liked you?  That's what all the guys did in that grade.  How else we supposed to talk to a girl?

Luzy-Ann looks dubious, but not at him.  

BOBBY-LEE

I mean, you were always the prettiest girl in school.

MARY-ANN

Are you going to the dance Saturday?

BOBBY-LEE

Depends, you going Luzy-Ann?

LUZY-ANN

Maybe.

BOBBY-LEE

Sure to there then.  See you girls.

The boys walk away.

PRAYING FOR A MAN

INT. CHURCH   DAY

Luzy-Ann is kneeling at a pew in church.  She is praying fervently.

LUZY-ANN

Dear lord, I love you and am your humble servant.  Please help me find a loving man, who will do your will and follow your way.

LAKE (V.O.)

It was not that she used praying as a means to try to get what she wanted that was so like her, it was the fact that she didn't recognize that she was getting less particular the older she got, so that her increase in the number of times a man asked her out per annum, was owing to her more flexible standards more so than divine intervention.  Of course, this would be devoutly denied by her and all such old maidens.  Yet, who knew, maybe god did counsel her to be more tolerant? 

INT.  DANCE HALL  EVENING

A geeky guy, GEORGE, talking to Luzy-Ann at a dance.  She is not interested.  Luzy-Ann ignores him and focuses her attention on JANIE. 

LAKE (V.O.)

It was this lack of action that left a void in my sister's life, and even with the superfluous amount of praying that she did, she still found time to inquire into other people's lives.  She had a great authoritative look, that she used to disapprove of people.  I think it was the same one that her teacher, the one who punished her for beating up Bobby-Lee and Billy-Joe, used on her.  This look was always given in the strictest moral situations, or as her look would suggest, in immoral cases where fun was to be strictly prohibited, particularly if my sister could not share in it. 

JANIE

(breathlessly and expansively) 

We're going to the lake tonight.  It's gonna' be so romantic.  He's been talking about buying the old Homer place.  I think he's going to pop the question soon.

(almost squealing)

LUZY-ANN

(manipulatively)

Are you sure you should be going?

JANIE

What do you mean?

LUZY-ANN

(slowly)

I mean, the lake is a make-out spot.  Are you sure you want to be seen there?  Tales run fast in this town.  Before you know it, he won't pop any question if your reputation has been compromised, even when he was the cause of it! 

GEORGE

Uh, huh.  I agree with Luzy-Ann.

Janie looks distressed.  Luzy-Ann spies Father Denton with Nun Margarita and waves enthusiastically.  He comes over to talk to them.  Nun Margarita talks to some other parishioners.

FATHER DENTON

Good evening ladies.  Good evening, George.

LUZY-ANN

Excited

Good evening, Father.

Janie and George greet Father Denton.

FATHER DENTON

I see you're not dancing.  That's what a dance is for.  How about it George?  Why don't you sweep one of these fine ladies off her feet?

GEORGE

(laughing bashfully)

Would you do me the honor, Luzy-Ann?

LUZY-ANN

(unenthusiastically)

Love to, George.

George offers his arm to Luzy-Ann.  She takes it and they walk to the dance floor.

LAKE (V.O.)

Although my sister preached abstinence, somehow, George "I'm saving myself for marriage" didn't quite fit into her idea of a husband she could obey and submit herself to.

On the dance floor, George and Luzy-Ann pass Bobby-Lee and a flashy female he is dancing with.

BOBBY-LEE

Hi, Luzy-Ann!

But he makes not mention of a dance later.  Luzy-Ann despairs of her situation with George.

FATHER DENTON

Now there's a nice young couple.

Janie giggles.

CONFESSION: IMPURE THOUGHTS

INT. CHURCH CONFESSIONAL ROOM   AFTERNOON

Luzy-Ann enters the confessional.  She kneels behind the screen.  Father Denton is already sitting behind the screen. 

FATHER DENTON

Good afternoon, Luzy-Ann.

LUZY-ANN

Uh, ha, good afternoon, Father.

FATHER DENTON

Would you like to take a seat beside me Luzy-Ann?

Luzy-Ann peers over to the side and sees the empty seat.

LUZY-ANN

Ah, no, not today, Father.

FATHER DENTON

As you wish, Luzy-Ann.  May the Lord bless this confession you are about to make. 

(signs the cross)

You may begin.

LUZY-ANN

Amen. 

(clears throat)

Bless me Father, for I have sinned.  It has been three weeks since my last confession.  Here are my sins. 

I grew impatient with my family, my mother and father, and of course, my sister, several times this week.

I spoke uncharitably about a friend earlier this week. 

I had um, ba-ad thoughts two weeks ago, Thursday before last.  I neglected to say my evening prayers, I was so sleepy but then I woke up in the middle of the night and made up for it.

FATHER DENTON

Let's go back to Thursday before last, shall we, Luzy-Ann?

LUZY-ANN

What?

FATHER DENTON

Let's go back to when you had your bad thoughts.

LUZY-ANN

Uh, when was that, Father?

FATHER DENTON

The Thursday before last.

LUZY-ANN

What about it?

FATHER DENTON

What were your bad thoughts, Luzy-Ann?

LUZY-ANN

Well, they weren't bad, exactly.

FATHER DENTON

What were they?

LUZY-ANN

They were,--

(blurts out)

I had impure thoughts!

Silence.

FATHER DENTON

We all have impure thoughts, Luzy-Ann.

LUZY-ANN

We do?  I mean, you do, Father?

FATHER DENTON

Well, yes, sometimes.  It makes us human.

Luzy-Ann gets excited.  She is almost salivating.

LUZY-ANN

(fluttering heart)

What are your thoughts like, Father?

FATHER DENTON

I am not in confession, Luzy-Ann.

LUZY-ANN

Oh!  Of course, Father.

It well, my thoughts,--

(sighs)

It all starts when my friends start talking about their boyfriends or the boys they'd like to be their boyfriends.

(pause)

FATHER DENTON

And.

LUZY-ANN

And I start warning them not to do anything, well, sinful, and then naturally, I start to worry about them and so, after mulling over these bad things that they might do, my mind starts to wonder, and, and I start having impure thoughts of my own.

FATHER DENTON

What kind?

LUZY-ANN

(eyes widen)

Well, the usual, Father.

FATHER DENTON

(clinically)

What's the usual for you, Luzy-Ann?

LUZY-ANN

Uh, the usual thoughts a girl of my age has...

FATHER DENTON

Such as,--

LUZY-ANN

I-I don't know if I can tell you Father, and face you again, I mean.  Does God really want to know the details?  Can't he read between the lines in my mind from here on out?

FATHER DENTON

Of course, Luzy-Ann, but to be fully repentant and receive the forgiveness of God, we must make a full confession and fully bare our soul to him.

LUZY-ANN

Oh!  I know.  It's just.  Well, I think about you know, making love, of course I'm married in my daydreams!  So it's all not sinful and all.  And of course, we're not using contraceptives or anything.  And it's dark so... Father?

FATHER DENTON

Yes.

(pause)

Do you have any other impure thoughts?

LUZY-ANN

No-o.

FATHER DENTON

(imitates her)

No-o?

LUZY-ANN

No-o.

(long pause)

They're not exactly impure thoughts.

FATHER DENTON

Have you done anything?

LUZY-ANN

What?  Oh, my God, I mean, oh my goodness, no.  It's just, sighs, I've done some impure acts. 

FATHER DENTON

What kind?

LUZY-ANN

I haven't had sex or anything!  I've just thought about that, when I'm married of course. 

FATHER DENTON

What kind of impure acts have you done, Luzy-Ann?

LUZY-ANN

None!  Well, not with anybody.

FATHER DENTON

With yourself?

LUZY-ANN

Not, exactly.  I mean, it doesn't count if you

(pause)

T-touch yourself outside your clothes, does it?

FATHER DENTON

The intent is there.  If you do it in your heart--

LUZY-ANN

But I didn't do it, not inside my underwear at least.

(rebelliously)

And Father, really, if I think about killing my neighbor but don't actually do it, it can't be as bad, can it?

FATHER DENTON

But you did it, Luzy-Ann.

LUZY-ANN

I know, but I never really touched myself.  I touched my underwear!

FATHER DENTON

For your penance, why don't you say two our Fathers and three Hail Mary's? 

LUZY-ANN

Yes, Father.

FATHER DENTON

You may say the Act of Contrition now.

LUZY-ANN

Yes, Father.  Oh my God, I am heartily sorry for all the sins that I have committed, against you and against... 

Father Denton starts mumbling and signs the cross behind the screen.

FATHER DENTON

You may go now and may the Holy Spirit help you to sin no more.

LUZY-ANN

Amen.  Thank you Father.

Oh, Father, it's okay isn't it?

FATHER DENTON

Yes, Luzy-Ann.  Your sins are forgiven. 

LUZY-ANN

(nervously)

And-and you won't tell anybody?

FATHER DENTON

Your sins are safe with me, Luzy-Ann.

LUZY-ANN

And, and you don't think less of me?

FATHER DENTON

More.

LUZY-ANN

(puzzled, startled)

Oh! okay, have a good day, Father.

FATHER DENTON

Same to you, Luzy-Ann.  Others are waiting.

LUZY-ANN

Of course!  How thoughtless of me.

Luzy-Ann begins to get up off her knees.  She stops.

LUZY-ANN

Oh, Father?

FATHER DENTON

Yes, Luzy-Ann.

LUZY-ANN

Was that three Our Fathers and two Hail Mary's or three Hail Mary's and two Our Fathers?

FATHER DENTON

What's the difference? 

LUZY-ANN

Oh! I meant--

FATHER DENTON

Two Our Fathers and Three Hail Mary's, I think. 

LUZY-ANN

Thank you again, Father.  You made me feel much better, as if, as if my spirit's really cleansed now. 

Luzy-Ann rapidly leaves the confessional.

PROTEST WITH THE KLAN