Thursday, November 29, 2012

The Sectarian Part III: Story of a (Somewhat) Lovable Religigo



BUYING SKIN WHITENER

INT. DRUGSTORE   DAY

LAKE (V.O.)
But it wasn't only her dress and speech that Luzy-Ann strived to conform to local standards, it was her look as well.

Luzy-Ann is browsing around a drugstore.  She picks up a bottle of lotion labeled, "Skin Brightener: Works on all skin types."

CLERK
May I help you? 

LUZY-ANN
Uh, yes. 

I see you've found our new skin-enhancing product.

LUZY-ANN
Yes, I have.  I'm--intrigued.  How does it work?

CLERK
(secretively)
It has black licorice in it.

LUZY-ANN
(grateful for the insight)
Oh--black licorice!  Really!

CLERK
(rubs some on her hand)
See how nice it rubs on.  You only have to use it every time you go out.

LUZY-ANN
Kind of like SPF.

CLERK
Well, yes, as a matter of fact, it has that too.  Lots of it.  Let's see, it says here on the bottle: SPF 25.  That should be enough for you--Oh!

LUZY-ANN
That's all right, I understand.

The Clerk hands the bottle to Luzy-Ann to help another customer.  Luzy-Ann continues reading the bottle.  She decides to purchase it and takes it to the checkout counter.  

CLERK
I'm sure you'll love it.  We've had some colored folks come in and buy it.  Since you're lighter (magnanimously), well of course, it should work even better on you.

LUZY-ANN
One can only hope.

The Clerk smiles and places the whitening lotion in a bag. 

CLERK
Thank you Luzy-Ann and come again now.  Let me know how it works.  I bet I won't even be able to recognize you when you come back.  You know what I mean.

They both laugh.

LAKE (V.O.)
My sister understood so well, that she not only did she take great pains to "whiten" her skin, change her dress and speech, but alter the workings of her natural mind as well.


INT. BEDROOM   DAY

Luzy-Ann dons gloves and hat and preens herself in the mirror.

LAKE (V.O.)
It all coincided so well with her efforts to appear a lady.


SUNDAY SCHOOL

INT.  CLASSROOM   MORNING

LAKE (V.O.)
Therefore, my sister excelled in Sunday school, which I did not.  Subjects about sex were particularly disturbing to my sister.  We were talking about the roles that chastity played in so much of the Catholic dogma one day. 

NUN MARGARITA is standing in front of the class.  She is teaching Sunday school where Luzy-Ann and Lake go. 

A boy named GERALD raises his hand to ask a question. 

GERALD
Why is contraception not allowed?  It's not like it's abortion or anything.  You're not killing anything because there's no conception.

NUN MARGARITA
Because the union between a man and a woman is holy and it is sinful to interfere with God's will.

GERALD
But what if you weren't going to get pregnant anyway?  Where's the interference?

NUN MARGARITA
Since we don't know that ahead of time, it is against the natural will of holy matrimony.

GERALD
I don't buy it.

NUN MARGARITA
Well, it is taught by the Church and the Pope himself. 

GERALD
The Pope!  But if you no play the game, you no make the rules. 

Nun Margarita blushes.  Lake laughs and raises her hand.

NUN MARGARITA
(grateful for the diversion)
Yes, Lake?

LAKE
Why can't girls be priests?

NUN MARGARITA
Well, because the church doesn't allow it. 

LAKE
Why don’t they allow it?

NUN MARGARITA
Because that was the way Saint Peter set up the church. 

LAKE
You mean he wanted only men leading the church?  Why, because they're better?

NUN MARGARITA
One should not assume to be able to divine the purpose of God.

LAKE
Saint Peter did.  Doesn't it strike you as fishy that a man set up a church ruled by men?  If women can vote now, why can't they be priests?  Black men can become priests, can't they?

Nun Margarita looks visibly uncomfortable.

LUZY-ANN
(hisses)
Lake!  Quit it!

LAKE
(not deterred)
Why do some who touch a holy person or saint get well, but some don't?  Why don't they all get well if the person's really holy? 

NUN MARGARITA
Miracles cannot be explained.  We should just be happy that some happen. 

LAKE
But they all believed because they came to be healed.  Don't people who don't come get healed anyway?  So you can not (emphasis) believe and still get healed? 

Gerald laughs audibly as do some other students.

LAKE
(continuing)
Has anyone done a study on whether the believers who touched a holy person got cured a higher percentage than the believers who were lazy and stayed at home?  and did both of those categories of believers heal miraculously at a rate higher than nonbelievers in general?

The class laughs.  LUZY-ANN glares at Lake.  Lake whispers to Gerald.  He raises his hand. 

GERALD
When two countries are going to war, and they both pray against each other, who wins?  The better side or does it depend on god's mysterious ways again?  If that's so, why pray at all? 


INT.  PRESBYTARIAN/EPISCOPALIAN?? CHURCH   DAY

LAKE (V.O.)
Despite Luzy-Ann's obedience, secretly, my sister was yearning to exercise her oldest sibling syndrome.

Luzy-Ann is sitting in a pew, arms on the back of a pew, her chin on her hands.  She watches longingly, a female deacon preaching in the pulpit.

LAKE (V.O.)
But my sister found that this forbidden fruit was just another way to practice her humility.

Luzy-Ann sighs.


WATCHING THE PRIESTS

INT. CHURCH   DAY


LAKE (V.O.)
Not being able to be a priest was not the only forbidden fruit that my sister enjoyed being denied.

While she is walking down a staircase, Luzy-Ann is watching two priests talking together; she has the hots for priests. 

Not paying attention to where she is going, she trips down the stairs.

LUZY-ANN
Whoah!


NO DATES FOR LUZY-ANN, NO DATES FOR ANYONE

EXT. OUTDOOR EATERY   DAY

Luzy-Ann is in the center of a group.  She and some friends are having a snack outside.  They are seated at a table.

LAKE (V.O.)
My sister studied the way the townsfolk talked and wagged their tongues.  Soon, there was no one better than my sister for spreading the news.  She learned well that offense was the only defense. 

GOSSIPER
I heard that she not only snuck out at eleven, but that she didn't come back until four in the morning. 

LUZY-ANN
Four!  Did her parents find out?

GOSSIPER
Not yet, though I don't know how they couldn't.  Everybody knows about it and frankly, I feel sorry for the poor dears.  I mean, if my daughter stayed out all night and got drunk and nobody knows what she did all night except--
(whispers to the girls)

Mary-Ann and Luzy-Ann laugh. 

LAKE (V.O.)
My sister had the loud tittering laugh of so many females who were socially behind, that is to say, unmarried and so did not understand the nature of many jokes that one knows about from being in the know, knowing someone, that is. 

Bobby-Lee and his friend walk by the group of girls.

BOBBY-LEE
Hey, LUZY-ANN, looking good.

Luzy-Ann ignores Bobby-Lee.

BOBBY-LEE
Hey, you still sore about the second grade?  Didn't you know, I picked on you because I liked you?  That's what all the guys did in that grade.  How else we supposed to talk to a girl?

Luzy-Ann looks dubious, but not at him.  

BOBBY-LEE
I mean, you were always the prettiest girl in school.

MARY-ANN
Are you going to the dance Saturday?

BOBBY-LEE
Depends, you going Luzy-Ann?

LUZY-ANN
Maybe.

BOBBY-LEE
Sure to there then.  See you girls.

The boys walk away.


PRAYING FOR A MAN

INT. CHURCH   DAY

Luzy-Ann is kneeling at a pew in church.  She is praying fervently.

LUZY-ANN
Dear lord, I love you and am your humble servant.  Please help me find a loving man, who will do your will and follow your way.

LAKE (V.O.)
It was not that she used praying as a means to try to get what she wanted that was so like her, it was the fact that she didn't recognize that she was getting less particular the older she got, so that her increase in the number of times a man asked her out per annum, was owing to her more flexible standards more so than divine intervention.  Of course, this would be devoutly denied by her and all such old maidens.  Yet, who knew, maybe god did counsel her to be more tolerant? 


INT.  DANCE HALL  EVENING

A geeky guy, GEORGE, talking to Luzy-Ann at a dance.  She is not interested.  Luzy-Ann ignores him and focuses her attention on JANIE. 

LAKE (V.O.)
It was this lack of action that left a void in my sister's life, and even with the superfluous amount of praying that she did, she still found time to inquire into other people's lives.  She had a great authoritative look, that she used to disapprove of people.  I think it was the same one that her teacher, the one who punished her for beating up Bobby-Lee and Billy-Joe, used on her.  This look was always given in the strictest moral situations, or as her look would suggest, in immoral cases where fun was to be strictly prohibited, particularly if my sister could not share in it. 

JANIE
(breathlessly and expansively) 
We're going to the lake tonight.  It's gonna' be so romantic.  He's been talking about buying the old Homer place.  I think he's going to pop the question soon.
(almost squealing)

LUZY-ANN
(manipulatively)
Are you sure you should be going?

JANIE
What do you mean?

LUZY-ANN
(slowly)
I mean, the lake is a make-out spot.  Are you sure you want to be seen there?  Tales run fast in this town.  Before you know it, he won't pop any question if your reputation has been compromised, even when he was the cause of it! 

GEORGE
Uh, huh.  I agree with Luzy-Ann.

Janie looks distressed.  Luzy-Ann spies Father Denton with Nun Margarita and waves enthusiastically.  He comes over to talk to them.  Nun Margarita talks to some other parishioners.

FATHER DENTON
Good evening ladies.  Good evening, George.

LUZY-ANN
Excited
Good evening, Father.

Janie and George greet Father Denton.

FATHER DENTON
I see you're not dancing.  That's what a dance is for.  How about it George?  Why don't you sweep one of these fine ladies off her feet?

GEORGE
(laughing bashfully)
Would you do me the honor, Luzy-Ann?

LUZY-ANN
(unenthusiastically)
Love to, George.

George offers his arm to Luzy-Ann.  She takes it and they walk to the dance floor.

LAKE (V.O.)
Although my sister preached abstinence, somehow, George "I'm saving myself for marriage" didn't quite fit into her idea of a husband she could obey and submit herself to.

On the dance floor, George and Luzy-Ann pass Bobby-Lee and a flashy female he is dancing with.

BOBBY-LEE
Hi, Luzy-Ann!

But he makes not mention of a dance later.  Luzy-Ann despairs of her situation with George.

FATHER DENTON
Now there's a nice young couple.

Janie giggles.


CONFESSION: IMPURE THOUGHTS

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